plz talk dirty to me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were destined to go to rehab together
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
