i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
