i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would fuck him just for his dog
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
