I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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