We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
