Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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