My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
