You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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