he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
