well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
