Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
