I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I will die if light touches me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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