u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
