6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
