All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize