I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
