hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
