My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
