Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize