Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
