what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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