I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
