covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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