please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize