Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
