that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
