it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize