It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
