i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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