I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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