Screwed.edu
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
