Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
actually, I'm a sock model
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
