thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
