I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize