I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
