a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
