the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
