I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
