You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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