I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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