Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize