hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
