carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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