At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
