He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
