would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
