Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
