I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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