Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
