Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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