billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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