On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The Olympian is in my bed
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