Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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