My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
