im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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