I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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