At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
