Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love you. Go after that dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
