and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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