my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
