your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
